What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize