Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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