Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you had me at cake vodka
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
