Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize