So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ttyl tear gas
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
