My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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