I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
