The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
