i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
