My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
