i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize