mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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