I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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