Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
