Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
