Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
