Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
