He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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