Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
