....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
