Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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