So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
