I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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