pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
