Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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