We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry about my life...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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