At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
