I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
