Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize