someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
