i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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