I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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