I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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