I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You took a bar mat shot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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