hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
