Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
