New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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