we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
