Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
zippers are such a cool invention
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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