don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize