i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
