You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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