I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
