This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
