headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Terrible idea I love it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
