he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
