There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
