Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
