is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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