Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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