Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
