Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
