He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
