You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
