Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
