I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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