Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
