if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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