My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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