He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
