you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
