i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
