he puts the penis in happiness.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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