My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
