i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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