"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize