At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
